Why it matters
Your 1:1 is the highest-leverage meeting you run as a leader.
It shapes morale, performance, retention, and psychological safety. Most engineering problems show up here long before they appear in metrics, missed deadlines, or postmortems.
If your 1:1s are weak, everything downstream suffers.
The mindset shift
A good 1:1 is not: ❌
A status update
A task review
A performance evaluation
A good 1:1 is ✅
A thinking space for your report
A feedback loop for you
An early warning system for team health
The meeting belongs to them. Your role is not to drive the agenda. Your role is to create clarity, trust, and room to think.
How to structure them ?
1. Start with the human
Always begin with the person, not the work.
Simple openers work best:
How are you feeling this week ?
What’s been draining your energy ?
What’s felt good lately ?
This is not small talk. This is signal gathering. Burnout, disengagement, and frustration usually show up here first. If you skip this step, you miss the early warnings.
2. Let them lead the agenda
Ask one question, then stop talking.
“What do you want to use this time for?”
If they come unprepared, that itself is information. Over time, good reports learn how to use this space well. They start bringing:
Decisions they are unsure about
Interpersonal challenges
Career questions
Ownership or architectural concerns
That is exactly what you want. It means they trust the space.
3. Go deep on one or two things
Avoid jumping between topics. Depth matters more than coverage.
Once a topic surfaces, slow down and explore it:
What is the real issue here
What have you already tried
What do you think the right answer is
What are you avoiding
Your job is not to solve the problem for them. Your job is to help them think clearly enough to solve it themselves.
4. Give feedback with context
Feedback lands best when it is specific and grounded.
Use this structure:
Observation
Impact
Question
For example:
“I noticed the design doc skipped tradeoffs. That made it harder for others to trust the decision. What was your thinking there?”
This keeps feedback factual, non-personal, and useful.
5. Talk about growth explicitly
Most people have no idea how they are really doing unless you tell them.
Make time to cover:
What they are doing well
Where they should stretch next
What level they are currently operating at
What the next level actually expects
If you avoid this, people either stall quietly or assume they are underperforming.
6. End with clarity
Always close the loop.
Make sure you both leave knowing:
What decisions were made
What the next steps are
What you will do
What they will do
No ambiguity. No surprises later.
What great 1:1s create over time
When done well, 1:1s lead to:
Fewer delivery surprises
Stronger ownership
Faster decision making
Earlier risk detection
Higher trust
Lower attrition
You also start hearing the truth earlier, which is the real advantage.
Common mistakes to avoid
Turning it into a status meeting
Talking more than listening
Canceling when things get busy
Only using it when something goes wrong
Avoiding direct feedback
Making it feel evaluative or transactional
If your report leaves the meeting guarded or tense, something is off.
My rule
If I walk out of a 1:1 knowing more about the person than I did before, it was a good meeting.
If I walk out knowing only about the project, I failed.
