What high-performing teams actually want ?

Leadership advice is everywhere these days: books, blogs, conference panels. But if you really want to know what matters? Ask your team.

Over the years, I've sat through hundreds of one on ones and exit interviews. The most valuable leadership lessons didn't come from Harvard Business Review. They came from listening. Really listening.

Here's what I discovered about what great team members actually want from their leaders, and the bad habits I had to break along the way.

1. Clarity Over Charisma

Engineers don't need a hype man. They need clarity.

Be specific. What's the goal? What does success look like? Where are the boundaries between autonomy and alignment?

I used to think protecting my team from "the messy stuff" was good leadership. Turns out, when I started being transparent about context (even when complicated), trust improved dramatically. Nobody expects perfection. They just don't want to be blindsided.

Try this: End with "What questions do you have?" instead of "Any questions?" The first invites dialogue; the second assumes understanding.

2. Autonomy with Guardrails

Most talented people want freedom, not chaos.

Bad leadership: "Just figure it out."

Better leadership: "Here's what we're trying to achieve, here are the constraints, and here's how success will be measured. Let me know if you want to push against any boundaries."

I learned this when a senior engineer left after six months. In the exit interview: "You gave me complete freedom, but I never knew if I was solving the right problem." Freedom without context isn't empowerment. It's anxiety.

3. Feedback That Actually Helps

"Great job!" feels nice, but the best people want to grow. That means real feedback: thoughtful, timely, and specific.

Good feedback: "In yesterday's client call, when you interrupted Sarah twice, it seemed like you were eager to share your solution. Next time, try asking a clarifying question first. It'll make your eventual input even more powerful."

Bad feedback: "You need to work on your communication skills."

The best feedback I ever received was uncomfortable but impossible to argue with because it was specific and clearly motivated by wanting me to succeed.

4. Room to Grow, or They'll Leave

If you're not helping your people stretch, someone else will.

What works:

• Give stretch projects before people ask

• Talk openly about career paths, even beyond your team

• Recognize growth in all forms, not just promotions

I had a QA engineer ready for strategic work. Instead of waiting for the "perfect" project, I included them in planning meetings. Six months later, they were leading client strategy for a new product line. The alternative? They'd have found growth elsewhere.

5. The Small Stuff Matters

Ask how someone's weekend was and actually listen. Notice when they're off. Follow up on their suggestions.

Real trust isn't built in all hands meetings. It's built in micro moments: remembering they mentioned a sick parent, noticing they've been staying late, implementing ideas from your one on ones.

One engineer told me: "You're the first manager who actually implements the ideas we talk about." That hit hard because it showed how low the bar often is for basic respect.

Simple Framework: L.E.A.D.

Listen actively. Take notes. Ask follow up questions.

Empower with clarity. Autonomy thrives with context.

Align early and often. Prevent silent drift.

Deliver feedback with care. Growth requires honest respect.

TL;DR

Great team members don't just want perks. They want clarity about what matters, respect for their expertise, and genuine opportunities to grow.

The best feedback I ever received as a manager? "You made space for me to figure it out, and had my back when I couldn't."

What's the best leadership advice you've received from your team?